sucks.

it sucks that im so bloody weak. so bloody emotional. so bloody sensitive. so easily effective by things. it sucks that when i start tearing up, i cant stop. i go the whole way. the whole fucking painfully torturous way. and when the tears start to fall and my vision starts to blur, it sucks that it still keeps on going, the tears keep on falling. the lump in my throat keeps getting bigger. choking me. making me sob even harder. making my whole body convulse even harder. sobbing loudly in the corner, it sucks that im always angry at myself for not being able to stop; to be able to take a deep breath, calm down and just stop fucking bawling like a crazed idiot. and it sucks even more that when my body is already wracked with self pity and guilt and that my eyes are already red, swollen and disgusting looking, i have to get up and go looking for a fucking tissue box to wipe my nose which is currently the size of my fist and running like a motherfucker.


so yeahh..it basically sucks.
big time.